The gentrification of N Portland and how it is ruining our bar scene
The douches have landed. It’s official.
Let me keep this short: paramounting the gentrification of North Portland neighborhoods over the last 10 years, it appears that not only are the neighborhoods becoming more expensive (and therefore driving out locals who can no longer afford the swank of New Seasons, the sight of cyclists on their new Canondales & Vanillas, or the smell of organic produce as it wafts out the window of a slow-moving Prius), but they are also making residents vulnerable to the influx of THE DOUCHEBAGS.
Yes, the frosted-hair, Brody Jenner wannabes have finally left their DVR’s to record the new “Entourage,” only to Axe-up and head to Mississippi to order Michelob Ultras, do the windmill high-five, while screaming “TOTALLY DUDE, THAT SHIT IS SIC!” People, I have no problem with this, however, THEY HAVE INFILTRATED THE BARS!!!! Does anyone see a problem here? How can my favorite German Pub have become a meeting place of these tools? Not only did I walk mouth-agape through the bursting bar wondering if they were having some sort of ironic “Dress up like an Nike employee” themed-night, but I was “Hey, how you doin’”-ed by three people, AND I saw FOUR douchebags from my high school days.
Has the world gone topsy? What can be done about this? Is there some sort of Goodwill-cigarette smoke-registered voter-go back to the Matador eau de parfum that we can spritz these future Spencer Pratts with?
I’m in a state of panic.
