Tan Madge

Sporting a tan dermis for about 29 + 2 years. . .

Because my life feels like a sitcom. Sometimes it is on Fox. Sometimes on the WB. Sometimes on VH1 on a Sunday morning.

Some episodes are definitely better than others. Which is why a boxed-set probably won't be hitting stores until at least 2013.
February 11

The thing I did NOT expect to find in his pants

…a cock-ring, folks.

Well, not one exactly. His penis is pierced—PIERCED! Did you hear me?

Been spending the past week brainstorming with friends about how to ask for the history of the piercing without eeking my judgment on it.

Also been really worried that if and when that piercing heads toward my ladyzone, it could potentially snag on my IUD, Ida, and unintentionally evict her from her new, uterus-shaped apartment.

WHY DEAR GOD WOULD A GUY PUNCH HOLES (YES THERE ARE TWO—IT GOES THROUGH THE TIP) IN A PART OF HIMSELF THAT BRINGS JOY AND HAPPINESS TO OTHERS?