December 2008
16 posts
Another TM Year in Review
In 2008, I gained many frequent flyer miles I lost a friend, my cell phone (twice) and any lingering boy-crazy sentiments. I stopped feeling like I needed to take shit off of people. I started saving money!!!!! I was hugely satisfied by running a marathon the second time!! And frustrated by taking life too seriously sometimes. I am so embarrassed that I fell through a frozen lake. Once again, I...
“Friends should be like putting coins in a slot machine. If you keep giving and...”
– J Bean giving me a pep talk yesterday during happy hour. She heard this piece of advice from her sister—who is wise and blonde.
How we almost died the day before Christmas Eve
Long story short:
Mom and I took the dog for a walk in the snow before my brother arrives this evening. We walk through the park, and the dog ventures out over the frozen lake to sniff some ducks.
Dog falls through ice.
Dog can’t get out.
Dog is crying.
Mom stips off coat and sweatshirt and crawls out on the ice to retrieve dog.
Mom falls through the ice.
Mom, a former lifeguard, a...
Damned winter wonderfuck
So I have to admit I am a SUCKER for a White Christmas. I was “lucky” this year because we had an extra week off of school due to the “Arctic Blast 2008.” Bad news is the snow hasn’t stopped. We have a foot and a half of powder with half an inch of ice. But there was much to look forward to…until my brother’s flight from LAX that was cancelled. Not because...
“One of you needs to walk over there and congratulate the mom on her handsome...”
– Snickles trying to give PC and I a peptalk over “Snowday Ladies lunch” yesterday. You know someone is a real friend if they set you up to hit on a guy and volunteer to run interference on the guy’s mother. And we all agreed that the older ladies LOOOVE Snickles.
“Oh I’m sure he is not enjoying himself. He’s probably having his own...”
– An epiphany about a new / old boy that returned to a friend’s world this week.
Day Four: Snow lock-in
We’re making a break for it and heading for the mall before the freezing rain hits Portland. Worst case scenario I am stuck at the mall with Mom and we have to resort to drinking as much coffee as we can and then playing tag in the Nordstrom shoe department.
Snow Day Lockdown - Day Two: Epiphanies & Genius
In the official second day of school cancelled for snow (third day of lock-in) I have been tapping into my undergrad gift of figuring out everyone’s problem in classical literature.
Here’s a sample:
Wuthering Heights - Heathcliff and Cathy. Heathcliff needs a shower early on. It also certainly wouldn’t hurt him to aggressively kiss Cathy every once and again. Let’s face...
“Minnesotans aren’t used to Latin Americans.”
– I f**king KNEW it!!!! Which is why Pink Nip and I made a horrible couple!!!!!
Joel Klein, speculating election officials may have misinterpreted dual surnames of Latinos, such as that of state Democratic Latino Caucus Chair, Erick Garcia Luna, leading to inappropriately rejected ballots, and...
“Bits of cinnamon! Why can’t I play this stupid game????”
– Friend of D’s on Saturday night at the pajama-themed Holiday party. I was studying the language patterns of people at ‘Couv parties. Apparently they swap “Son of a bitch” with “Bits of Cinnamon.” That’s not going away anytime soon!
An Equation for a good time
One bottle of champagne +
one bottle of red wine +
two bowls of homemade popcorn +
one box of Mike & Ike’s +
one box of Reese’s pieces +
one dvd copy of “Dangerous Liaisons” = the perfect Friday night (without a hookup)
Some of my better material.
TM: So how do you like being self-employed? Owning your own company?
Date: I like it, but it's stressful. For example, when I used to work for Nike I just did my job. Now I have my own company and I have to do everything. My own accounting, my own planning, my own invoicing. . .
TM: Do you also have to do your own staff sexual harassment training?
Date: What? Well. . .no.
TM: Oh (smiling).
Date: Oh wait, I get it. I would be the only one sexually harassing myself.
TM: Yeah.
Date: Oh yeah. Well, no. I mean I wouldn't sexually harass anyone ever!
TM: (Sigh!)
“I stand by my earlier declaration. I want Sean Penn to get rough with me. Not...”
– After seeing “Milk” tonight, I confess to Coach J. Who laughed in my face, got serious and agreed.